June 18, 2009

We’ve Been Screwed

Did anybody see Glenn Beck’s program on Fox News today? Apparently Barack Obama fired his Inspector General after the inspector questioned one of Obama’s motives. Obama called him “crazy,” and “senile.”

5 minutes after seeing the program, I went on Yahoo to check my email, and what did I find?  This.

How quaint.  Now that the President has finally hunted down that blasted fly, maybe he can finally turn his attention to North Korea? Or perhaps brainstorm better excuses for firing his Inspector General?

And while we’re at it, I’d like to give a huge shout out to our major news networks.  Thank you, MSNBC & Co., for covering the story so exclusively.  I’d like to hear about a dead fly any day over an Inspector General getting canned.

May 27, 2009

All’s Well that Ends Well

This morning was not exactly the best I’ve had in a long time.  I got up this morning and thought, “Hm. I wonder if that book I’m reading for my paper in AP Lit is a literary canon.” So I turned on my computer and checked.  It wasn’t.

I got to band and realized, “Oh.  Volunteering hours for AP Government and NHS are due Monday.  The outline for my AP Government paper is also due Monday…WAIT. When am I going to get this all done?” Shortly after, my friend Belinda walked up to me and said, “Hey, did you know the senior recital is tonight?”  “No it’s not.”  “Yeah, we have to be here at 7.”  “Are you serious?!”

My friend Vivian walked up to me and said, “Hey, you okay? Looks like somebody didn’t have their tea this morning.”  To which I said, “Actually, I did.”

After practicing with my recital group, I came back into the band room where I managed to rethink all my previous thoughts about what was due…to the point where I almost started crying right then and there.  I held it together until the bell rang, walked to mom’s office, and promptly left school.  I came home and started working on my AP Government thesis, got some sources, went to 2 libraries, found some more sources online, made lunch, started reading Persuasion because it’s actually included on the canon list (I checked, don’t worry!), and switched back over to my first paper.  I’m officially one page down, but I have all the sources I need so far, so I’m starting to breathe again.

And whose fault is this? Mine.  Why is it my fault?  (1) Because I can’t manage time to save a life, (2) because I’m a lazy butt, and (3) because I misplaced my agenda.

Okay, that was too nice a phrase.  I lost my agenda.

But…this will all get done.  In 2 weeks, everything will be handed in on time, I’ll graduate with that super-duper blue sash NHS members get to wear, and then I’ll be free like a bird.

Anyway, senior recital wasn’t as annoying as I thought it would be.  It actually made my day.

entertainer extraordinaires

May 18, 2009

The Doom of a Republic

Democracy in America, Alexis de Tocqueville

“Among small nations, the eye of society sees everywhere; the spirit of improvement reaches the smallest details; national ambition is much affected by weakness; the efforts and the resources of the people turn almost entirely toward their inner prosperity and they are not prone to waste their labors upon the empty dreams of reputation…The ambitions of individual citizens grow with the power of the state…Great wealth, abject poverty, big cities, lax morality, personal egotism, and the confusion of interests are dangers just as likely to arise from the size of states…It is, therefore, permissible to say that in general terms nothing opposes the prosperity and freedom of men as much as great empires.”

Washington’s Farewell Address

“This spirit, [of political parties] unfortunately, is inseperable from our nature, having its root in the strongest passions of the human mind.  It exists under different shapes in all governments, more or less stifled, controlled, or repressed; but, in those of the popular form, it is seen in its greatest rankness, and is truly their worst enemy.  The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, naturally to party dissention, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism.  But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism.  The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his cempetitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty.  Without looking forward to an extremity of this kind (which nevertheless ought not to be entirely out of sight) the common and continual mischiefs of the spirit of party are sufficient to make it the interest and duty of a wise people to discourage and restrain it.”

May 14, 2009

I Ain’t Yo’ Cuppycake, Foo’!

There’s a new creeper on the scene.  He sits behind me in math and he never shuts up.  After playing with my hair, going through my purse, and being politely rejected from an invitation to a picnic with him and some of his friends, he still hasn’t gotten the idea that I’m not interested.

Oh, he’s a real killer.  He thinks he’s downright hilarious and claims that he has two personalities: the immature kid in school and the mature dude outside school.  And the chatting?  Oh my gosh.  I cannot stand chatters.  It’s really okay not to blurt out every thought that goes through one’s head.

Anyway, AP tests are being held in the band room, so the band has moved into the auditorium.  Since I get into school with relatively ample time before the warning bell rings, I hang out in the music hall with some friends.  AP testers also hang out here to wait for the band room to open.  As it so happens, the Human Kamikaze Fly turned into the hall because he had to take the English Composition exam.  I pretended I didn’t see him (I have awesome ignoring powers) and continued talking.  Unfortunately, as we were all really tired, the conversation lagged.  The creeper pounced.

“So how’s my little cupcake doing?”

My little cupcake?!

*Cue a dirty look, the warning bell, and a quick escape into the auditorium*

When guys see me, do they get some fantastic urge to annoy me?

May 10, 2009

Reading List

For my AP Government final paper:

  • The Case for Democracy: The Power of Freedom to Overcome Tyranny and Terror by Natan Sharansky
  • Supercapitalism by Robert B. Reich
  • Moyers on Democracy by Bill Moyers
  • Democracy in America and Two Essays on America by Alexis de Tocqueville

For my AP Literature final paper:

  • Villette by Charlotte Bronte

or

  • Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury

May 1, 2009

Existentialism Part 2

My AP Literature teacher posed a question to the class today.  He said, “Now, if an 11th grade Honors English student came up to you and said that he read The Stranger, but didn’t know what it was all about, what would you say to him?  Why is The Stranger important?”  He gave us some time to think through our response, and then proceeded to call on Joel, a boy who will major in literature in college (he wants to be a writer).  He proceeded to explain the events in the book in correlation to Camus’ existentialism, and upon fading in and out of the classroom mentally, there was one point Joel made that had me confused.  He said that the protagonist had no meaning in the first part of the book, and in the second part, came to terms with his meaninglessness before his execution.  There was mentioned a “resolution” and somewhere in his lengthy explanation some sort of final “meaning.”  That, to me, didn’t add up.  Philosophy is one big geometry proof with ideas, so all puzzles must make a whole somewhere.

Then Joel was done talking, and his friend Drew started talking, and then my teacher became very excited with all the points they made and things they said, but I was still confused.  So I raised my hand and said, “I guess I still don’t understand.  What I’m hearing from you is that in finding that life was meaningless, the protagonist found meaning.”  I really wanted to understand what they all were saying about existentialism, but it really is so myopic and totally opposite of all I’ve ever known.  So I was happy to get the 10 minute explanation from my teacher, all of which almost made sense, but fell just short.  Through it all he became very excited but paused at the end when he said, “I’m getting the feeling that you still don’t get it.  Am I right?”  To which I said, “No…”  And he continued again.  This next part made perfect sense to me.  He drew a stick figure on the board and said, “Let’s say this is you,” drew a big circle around me, “and this is the universe.  According to previous thought, all these morals and ideals determine your decisions, whether they be by religion or spirituality or whatever.”  He drew some arrows pointing down on my head to represent the causes of my decisions.  “Now, in existentialism, there is none of that.  It’s just you, and your own free will determines the decisions you make.  There are no other people in this circle, see?  It’s just you, and your actions in the face of eternity don’t matter.”  He then proceeded to explain that The Stranger’s protagonist determined by himself, with no other factor influencing him, that killing the Arab was wrong.

I understood.  “So,” I said, “in his resolution, he did recognize a moral system in the end.”

That made my teacher pause a little.  He said, “You’re very good,” and tried to reexplain what he had already explained to me.  So I helped him see what I was seeing.  “I’m not saying that he recognized the murder of the Arab for religion’s sake, but that he did recognize a moral system.”  To which my teacher replied, “I’m not so sure about a moral system, but a moral, yeah.”  He then related his answer to a discussion we’d had earlier in the year in the difference of generosity of men: the man who is generous for generosity’s sake was more virtuous than the man who was generous to get a reward in heaven.  I remember that discussion.  It was between him, me, and a girl I used to sit next to.  That one left me a little uneasy.  His answer didn’t quite sit right with me, and I didn’t know why at the time, but now I do.  Christians do charitable work because of the fluidity of God’s Spirit in our hearts, not because we want a prize in heaven.  When God’s Spirit is able to move through our lives and hearts, all is transformed.  We don’t do things out of selfishness, but because the Spirit has so worked in us that love acts are done unconsciously.

This whole portion took the rest of the class time.  Towards the end, Drew seemed to pick up on what I was saying and took it a little further on his own track.  I don’t remember what he said, but my teacher did say that my point was where existentialism gets “a little murky.”

Now, I want to say that this teacher happens to be a particular favorite of mine this year.  I wouldn’t say that he’s trying to ram existentialism down our throats, but rather understand a philosophy.  He is totally open to discussion and debate all the time, and he respects our principles and beliefs as he expects us to respect his.  So I’m afraid, Babba, that I didn’t do a very good job giving him good representation in my last post.  I don’t know if he does or doesn’t doubt himself, but he is a great teacher, and I am very happy to have had him this year.

April 30, 2009

Albert Camus’ Existentialism

Is Albert Camus’ The Stranger really the most important book of the 20th century?  After talking a little about existentialism, my AP Literature teacher asked my class if we liked the book.  The whole class except me and one other girl loved the book.  He asked her why she didn’t like it, and then he came to me (we’ve had philosophical and basic point of view disagreements all year, so he likes to pick on me for my interpretation sometimes) and said, “Hannah, why didn’t you like the book, which, in my opinion, is the most important book of the 20th century?”

Why didn’t I like The Stranger?  Perhaps, on a basic level, because I found I couldn’t relate to the character.  I have a well developed system of values and morals that help me aspire for something greater; my life has purpose because God gives it purpose.  I may never understand life, but I can understand what God has enabled me to understand, and that is enough.  The protagonist of The Stranger, however, cares about nothing.  Everything is meaningless, himself included.  He did not grieve over his mother’s death, he did not want a chance to work in Paris as provided by his boss, he did not suffer despair after murdering an Arab.  The only seemingly resolution he ever makes (and I’m not even sure it was a resolution at that, because he doesn’t seem to have an ounce of conviction in his character) was of the strange satisfaction he would experience as the public shouted at him at his execution.

A character who cares about nothing, becomes nothing, and dies as something almost sounds good.  Is that why the book is considered great literature?  But then again, who am I to judge whether literature is great or not?  I let sentimentality ruin my writing.

Perhaps I can make a tentative stab at the author’s vehement philosophy: existentialism.  From what I gather from my teacher’s lectures on existentialism, life is meaningless.  We know we exist, we know we are alive, but human morality is meaningless, values are dead, and nothing really matters.  We also know life by itself is meaningless from a biblical standpoint (Ecclesiastes 1,2).  But why am I so against an apparent truth?  Because Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 says,

What does the worker gain from his toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on men.  He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.  That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil–this is the gift of God.  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and noting taken from it.  God does it so that men will revere him.

This is an amazing section of Ecclesiastes.  After asking in chapter 1:3, “What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?”  the question is answered:  man gains rest.  Man may enjoy his food and drink and find satisfaction in his work.  Emptiness is filled, meaninglessness is given purpose and direction.  Ah!  So life is not meant to be a series of nothings?  We are not meant to carry the burden of our own empty existences?  No.  If we look to God, He will carry our burdens, give us rest and give us meaning.

Since that is true, then we are looking for a way up and out of the world as we know it and into a new perspective.  This sounds very familiar.  If you do not remember my post on Plato’s theory of the cave, then jog your memory by scrolling down a bit.  If we wanted out of this cave of shadows, then someone would have to tell us about light, and we would have to believe him.  He would then have to lead us into the sunshine, not all at once because our eyes need to adjust, but bit by bit, and here we are: no longer shadow people, but real people.  Here comes the connection: if God is the truth and the light, and we are the shadow people, then Jesus must be the messenger.  “No one comes to the Father except through me.”

So here’s why I don’t like Camus’ The Stranger.  It seems to me that the existentialist theme almost verges on the ridiculous: people searching for meaning in life discover there’s none, and then wallow in their own indifference.  But the thing is, the protagonist’s indifference comes off as a burden to everyone else he associates with: the mother misses her son and never sees him before she dies, the boss becomes frustrated and needs to find another person to take the protagonist’s place in France, and the protagonist’s defense lawyer loses the case, resulting in the execution of the protagonist himself, who, of course, doesn’t mind because he believes that life is meaningless.  The ridiculousness became apparent to me when I realized his indifference was really selfishness regarding other people.  Maybe nothing mattered to him, but everyone else seemed to care for something.

So now I wonder…is existentialism really a valid philosophy, or is it just an excuse not to go beyond the shadows?

April 27, 2009

Dresses Can Talk (and they’re pretty annoying, too)

There is a dress that hangs just outside my door.

I’ll never wear it, though

I was convinced I would.

But now it stares at me stonily, asking,

“When can I hug your curves again?”

To which I may reply,

“Not today, dress,

No, not today.”

“When can I hug your curves again?”

“Not now, dress, not ever.”

“Not ever?”

“There’s no need.  I can’t very well wear you to work

or the market for that matter.  You might be soiled,

and then what?”

“Well then, why don’t you just mail me back to my mistress?”

“I’m too lazy.”

“Too lazy?!”

“Oh, shut up.”

In other more logical news, I baked my friend’s birthday cake this past week.  Angel food cake with chocolate mousse filling and orange frosting.

116

It was the first time I ever made angel food cake, and I got the consistency all wrong.  I didn’t whip the egg whites long enough.  It came out fine, but I knew I could make it perfectly if I did it all over again.  So I dropped off the test cake at work, where it was completely eaten within a day and started all over again.  I got it just right, like I thought I would.  I shredded some chocolate over the top of my second cake, and viola!

120

The frosting took a pound of confectioner’s sugar.  A pound. Needless to say, I think many a sweet tooth were taken care of that night.

124

March 26, 2009

Need. Vacation. Now.

Wake up.

Devotional (highlight of the day).

Get ready for the day.

School.

*Boy tries to look through purse*

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for your water bottle.”

“Get out of my purse.  Now.”

Home.

Homework.

Work.

Home.

Homework.

Bed.

Wake up.  [Is it Friday, yet?...No.  It's Tuesday.]

Devotional (highlight of the day).

Get ready for the day.

School.

“Mom, where did you park the car?”

“You need it right now?”

“Yeah.  I have to go volunteer.”

“But I thought you had to leave at 1 and be back by 2.”

“Nooo…I have to leave now and be back by 1.  If I had to be back by 2, I wouldn’t come back at all.”

“I’m swinging around.  Hang on!”

Home.

Homework.

Bed.

Wake up. [I have to work today.]

Devotional (Highlight of the day).

Get ready for the day.

School. [Somehow I can't shake this guy off my tail.  Somebody please shut him up. 3rd period is not the time for talking at all.  Is my purse protected?...Yeah. Weirdo.]

Home.

Homework.

Work.

Homework.

Bed.

91 more days til graduation and counting.

March 1, 2009

Can I have the cooties, please?

Tell me the library is a boring place to work.

Yesterday I went to take my break with a new book I was kind of excited about.  I work in the morning to the early afternoon, so break is usually just one other page and me.  I sat down and started to read.  It was quiet.  And then…

“How far are you on your shelfreading?”

It took me a moment.  I was getting into my book.

“Uhhh…I don’t know.  I finished biographies and I’ve just started nonfiction.”

“Oh.”

I returned to my book and had to reread the same paragraph as before.  Not that rereading is a pet peeve or anything.

“So how many do you think you have done?”

What was with the shelfreading?  “Maybe 30?”

“Ah.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Do you want to play rock-paper-scissors?”

“Why?”

“If you win, I do half of your shelfreading.  If I win, you go on a date with me.”

“…!…”

“How about 3 out of 5?”

Stupid me.  Stuuuuuuupid.  IDIOT!  I was so shocked by this…it came completely out of the blue!  All I could think was “Ha ha!…No,” but I couldn’t figure out a nice way of putting it into words.  Later I could. And of course, I thought the whole thing was hilarious in the moment.  Rock-paper-scissors for a date?  It took me the 5 minutes I had left of break when he had left that I realized he was actually serious.  So what did I do?  I played.  We were tied and down to the 5th toss where I lost.  Yes, that’s right.  I played.  And I lost.  In case any of you are wondering, this post only is a free coupon to hurl some good zingers at me.

Idiot.  I am so stupid.  It was so the shock factor.  5 minutes later when I went back to work, I thought of all sorts of things I could have said.  Like “No.”  Or the possibility that I would just hurt him more by not telling him no.  I wish I could have showed you all my face.  It was total deer-in-the-headlights.  Or more like, “Why thank you, brain, for your vital assistance in thinking of a sympathetic statement that wouldn’t completely destroy this poor guy’s heart.”  Or maybe it was a mixture of that and the feeling of a bandaid brush past your foot when swimming in a public wave pool.  Lovely.

And just where did this boy want to take me for The Date?  Red Osier.  Am I going?  No.  I’ll be having a wonderfully awkward conversation with him again this week about that.  Awkward conversations are what I live for.

So here’s the directions for the comment box: (1) Zinger Contest: whoever thinks of the best one-liner for the above dating predicament will receive a free goofy picture of the Great Kahuna.  The contest will be over on March 8, one week from now. (2) Think Tank: create a polite line that I could have used to decline from the rock-paper-scissors game.