Tell me the library is a boring place to work.
Yesterday I went to take my break with a new book I was kind of excited about. I work in the morning to the early afternoon, so break is usually just one other page and me. I sat down and started to read. It was quiet. And then…
“How far are you on your shelfreading?”
It took me a moment. I was getting into my book.
“Uhhh…I don’t know. I finished biographies and I’ve just started nonfiction.”
“Oh.”
I returned to my book and had to reread the same paragraph as before. Not that rereading is a pet peeve or anything.
“So how many do you think you have done?”
What was with the shelfreading? “Maybe 30?”
“Ah.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Do you want to play rock-paper-scissors?”
“Why?”
“If you win, I do half of your shelfreading. If I win, you go on a date with me.”
“…!…”
“How about 3 out of 5?”
Stupid me. Stuuuuuuupid. IDIOT! I was so shocked by this…it came completely out of the blue! All I could think was “Ha ha!…No,” but I couldn’t figure out a nice way of putting it into words. Later I could. And of course, I thought the whole thing was hilarious in the moment. Rock-paper-scissors for a date? It took me the 5 minutes I had left of break when he had left that I realized he was actually serious. So what did I do? I played. We were tied and down to the 5th toss where I lost. Yes, that’s right. I played. And I lost. In case any of you are wondering, this post only is a free coupon to hurl some good zingers at me.
Idiot. I am so stupid. It was so the shock factor. 5 minutes later when I went back to work, I thought of all sorts of things I could have said. Like “No.” Or the possibility that I would just hurt him more by not telling him no. I wish I could have showed you all my face. It was total deer-in-the-headlights. Or more like, “Why thank you, brain, for your vital assistance in thinking of a sympathetic statement that wouldn’t completely destroy this poor guy’s heart.” Or maybe it was a mixture of that and the feeling of a bandaid brush past your foot when swimming in a public wave pool. Lovely.
And just where did this boy want to take me for The Date? Red Osier. Am I going? No. I’ll be having a wonderfully awkward conversation with him again this week about that. Awkward conversations are what I live for.
So here’s the directions for the comment box: (1) Zinger Contest: whoever thinks of the best one-liner for the above dating predicament will receive a free goofy picture of the Great Kahuna. The contest will be over on March 8, one week from now. (2) Think Tank: create a polite line that I could have used to decline from the rock-paper-scissors game.
7 Comments
March 1, 2009 at 11:27 pm
1) Hannah, you make waiting for the next Jane Austin book bearable.
2) “Do I look like a woman who leaves romance to a silly game of chance?”
You could have used the line that I use “I don’t date people I work with”. There is an old Italian saying “don’t poo-poo where you eat”. You could have been tactful like Babba and just said “NO”. Obviously you must have found him slightly appealing to accept his wager. He sure has initiative and imagination. I take it he is much more appealing than the infamous “tuba-man”.
I think you you should honor your bet. Just have the three Cali boys drive you to Red Osier, walk you to the table, and then go sit down across the restaurant by themselves and eat. When dinner is over they take you home and then you can consider things. You can then refuse a second date if you desire after you receive the report of his “background check”.
March 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm
You should have stopped at the 4th game and just quit.
Here’s your line:
“Look, I’m going to let you keep your manhood intact. I would never want you to have to admit to people that I only went out with you because you beat me at rock-paper-scissors. So consider your reputation salvaged. Your welcome.”
March 2, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I don’t know when you became such a feminist. Just go on the date.
March 2, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Hannah….. You need to introduce this clown to the one of the two best words in the English language. One of them is the word “NO!!!!!”
I can introduce him to the business end of a very lively semi-automatic 12 gauge. Now, you know I wouldn’t do that but, please be careful! The “Snake” is looking for anyone he may destroy.
Please set your standard higher than that and don’t compromise even if he may be the best looking, kindest, most considerable bachelor out there. If he isn’t walking with Jesus, consider him completely off limits! Guard your heart! You belong to Christ. He has bought you with a price and you are not your own.
March 2, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Babba: LOL yet again!
Auntie Anne: Fantastic manhood point. I might just use that one when I talk to him this week.
Tom: Was that your zinger or were you just commenting in general? Because if the latter, feminist is definitely an overstatement.
March 17, 2009 at 7:51 pm
So how did the story end?????
March 19, 2009 at 12:40 am
I told her “NO DATES…. THAT’S FINAL! ….and if he has trouble with that, tell him to take it up with me”. At that point there was a sigh of relief from Hannah.